Suede and Sunshade

  • R is Short for Rumination

    I recently performed this poem at an open mic night. I honestly didn’t have an inkling of what I was going to perform until I saw the crowd, comprised mostly of teens. My inspiration for this poem comes from a Junji Ito story about a young boy whose pain became one with the house he lived in. I believe it was a part of his story collection ‘Lovesickness.’ More significantly, my own dealings with rumination, being a hopeless neurotic and all. Usually, I do not post on Wednesdays, but why not break rules, even if they are your own?

    Rumination

    Rumination involves repetitive thinking or dwelling on negative feelings and distress and their causes and consequences. Girls are more likely to ruminate than boys.

    My room is an open source
    To try and heal open sores
    Licked on by dirty dogs
    Boils like on frogs
    To clean battle scars 
    With tears in jars

    I feel the safest in this place
    I can hide the fear on my face
    I do not have a diary
    But I know my thoughts stay beside me

    This is my therapy
    For clarity, most of the time this is a rarity
    Wishful thinking, how dare of me!

    I sing wayward songs of female woes
    Of my soul being exposed
    Of snakes in the shadows
    Of a heart and mind that come to blows

    My room, where I practice rumination
    Is a reflection, on my frustrations

    Written on October 15th, 2023. Two days before my birthday.

    -Sunshine

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  • theres no sunshine without rain

    40 Days And 40 Nights

    I am a woman, and I feel many things

    Some days I feel Happy!

    Some days I feel Scared!

    Some days I feel Lovely!

    Some days I feel Flared!

    The one feeling I feel most…is Sadness

    I go back into the times of the Flood

    I was a tiny cloud in the Firmament 

    And my God told me his plans for the World

    And I grew intense sorrow, I swelled over the land

    My brightest and lightness became heavy and dark

    I soon began to feel that spark

    My tears cascaded down to the ground

    My whaling became the omen of sound

    For 40 days I blocked the Sun

    For 40 nights I blocked the Moon

    For God had told me, “The Cleansing has Begun”

    “The new age will be on us soon”

    On the 41st day, I looked below

    There it was, the Rainbow!

    The dove, she fly across the sky

    “For here is my Covenant, that nothing else is meant to die!”

    And God then said to me:

    “My beautiful creation”

    “Your sorrow is given by me!”

    “For you lead with your heart, like me!”

    “Turn it into forgiveness, like me!”

    “And seek beyond the clouds, for light is the key!”

    And so, I am here now!

    And when I feel sadness, I know I am okay

    Because it is okay to feel sorrow, because it is God-Given

    I seek forgiveness, for others and myself!

    Because I am a child of God, a woman of Herself!

    -sunshine, (july 23rd, 2023)

    I wrote this after a “breakup”. feeling the same way now.

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