(Originally Posted On Opulence in the Divine)

Coming from the former queen of people-pleasing, especially to men, here is a lesson on how to stop that shit. Sorry, but you will be hearing that word a lot this time.

In my earlier post about femineity, I mentioned the trinity of factors that make up said energy. Emotions, beauty, and intelligence. Let me talk about emotions.

Women are naturally empaths; we feel emotions and energy all around us. We strive to be nurturing to all. When others are happy, we are happy. We go out of our way to keep the environment happy. When others are sad, we are sad. We go out our way to make the sadness go away.

Now let me talk about men for a second. Let me preface this with saying I like men; I like having relationships with men. I want to be married to a man one day. 

But men can suck the everlasting shit out you!

It is because of two factors which are both naturalistic and conditioned. Men are givers, they naturally create auras, or space of energy around them. Women are receivers, in turn, they naturally take in the energy that is around them. So, when a man creates peaceful space, there will be a peaceful woman. So, in turn, a man at war, a woman will pick up a weapon too. The masculine energy that men have, want the feminine energy that woman possess to either maintain a positive space, or uplift a negative space. Nothing wrong with that, its nature after all. When energies sync, it is a beautiful experience. 

But, alas, humans do what humans do best…twist the truth! 

Ephesians 5:22, “wives, submit yourselves unto your husband, as unto the lord”. While I love the Word, this infamous verse has set me and my sisters back for millennium. Submission is a funny topic, nothing wrong with a submitting as a woman. Hell, even I like to let a man lead. The gimme gotcha is if this submission is respected, appreciated, and adorned. As in the same chapter 3 verses down “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it”. 

The second verse is often ignored.

Other men often condition men to expect a woman to bend their backs to their needs. And women, more often than not are conditioned by other woman to believe this. “Sex is for men, not women. You need to be my/his ride or die, Do this for your man before someone else does”.

Men unconsciously or deliberately syphon off woman’s feminine urge to be nurtures. 

Now, here is what you can do to stop that shit dead in its tracks!

1.     Set your Boundaries: Know yourself and your limits. Set your boundaries from the beginning. If you feel uncomfortable with something in dating or a relationship, speak up! Leave if this boundary keeps getting pushed and/or crossed.

2.     Realize you are not Jesus, his Mama, or his Therapist: Yes, your man might be feeling sad, angry, depressed, mad at the world. Your natural feminine instincts will want to change that. However, my dear, don’t think you are his Savior, that Jesus’ job. Don’t think you need to baby him, that his Mama’s job. Lastly, realize that you can’t be his only emotional outlet, there are therapists paid for that job.

3.     Make sure this a two-way street you two are both driving on: Is he there for you when you are in need? Does he make sure your satisfied? Do you feel like your love, caring and nurturing is respected, appreciated, and adorned. If not, it’s time to take a step back, take the rose-colored glasses off, and re-evaluate things. 

I say all of this because I want better for us women. I want us to be freed from the shackles of conditioned submission and get back to basics. I hate the “gender wars”! They do nothing but divide and push us further. Misinformation, twisted truths and outright lies make the dating scene even more shittier than it already is. Men and women can learn from each other and grow together. As, a woman, I can speak from my own experiences and from what I have seen from others. I think, both men and women, have a duty to uplift each other. We are not on this journey of life alone!

Thanks for reading! 

(All of the Bible verses used are from the King James Version)